Ep. 131 Listen Like You Mean It: Ximena Vengoechea on Reclaiming the Lost Art of True Connection
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Happy #SeekTheJoy Tuesday!
On the podcast today is Ximena Vengoechea, a user researcher, writer, and illustrator whose work on personal and professional development has been published in Inc., The Washington post, Newsweek, and Huffington Post. She is the author of Listen Like You Mean it: Reclaiming the Lost Art of True Connection (Portfolio/Penguin Random House).
She is a contributor at Fast Company and The Muse, and writes Letters from Ximena, a newsletter on tech, culture, career, and creativity. She is best known for her project The Life Audit. An experienced manager, mentor, and researcher in the tech industry, she previously worked at Pinterest, LinkedIn, and Twitter.
In this week’s episode Ximena and I chat about:
How to make post-pandemic socializing less awkward and what we need to know about having conversations after COVID
Ximena shares how we can develop a listening mindset, qualities of a good listener, and how we can approach having deeper conversations
How we can create space for others to feel safe, seen and heard, and gently encourage ourself and others to be vulnerable or open about our experiences
Identifying your default listening mode, how thoughtful listening will set you apart, and ways to support ourselves on our listening journey
Plus, we chat about the role of boundaries in listening, what Ximena hopes readers will take away from her new book, her biggest dream, and so much more!
Listening and observation is definitely an underrated skill and we can build stronger relationships and build greater connections through listening. As we move into this new season, both with the summer and re-entering the world, we can use listening to navigate this moment. After sitting down with Ximena it’s so clear to me that we can honor honor ourselves and others through listening. We’re all going to feel awkward and uncomfortable right now, there’s no way to get around it, but just remember to practice self-compassion!
I’m so excited to share this week’s new episode with Ximena, and I can’t wait to hear what you think! Make sure to join the conversation on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter!
“I think listening is really a means to connecting us as individuals and understanding each other better. That’s really my hope, that people will feel a little less lonely in their lives.”
“Remember to practice self-compassion. There are going to be conversations that come out wrong, where we say something, where we get it wrong, where we interpret the other person’s needs and we’re totally off base and that’s ok! It happens to all of us. It happened to us pre-pandemic and it will continue to happen to us, but the good thing is every one of those moments is a learning opportunity.”
For many of us, listening is simply something we do on autopilot. We hear just enough of what someone says to get our work done, maintain friendships, and be polite with our neighbors. But we miss crucial opportunities to go deeper—to give and receive honest feedback, to make connections that will last the long haul, and to discover who people truly are at their core.
Fortunately, listening, like any other communication skill, can be improved—and Ximena Vengoechea can show you how. As a user researcher for Silicon Valley’s top companies, she’s spent nearly a decade facilitating hundreds of conversations with complete strangers in order to uncover the truth behind how people use—and what they really think about—her company's products. In Listen Like You Mean It, she offers an essential listening guide for our times, revealing tried-and-true strategies honed in her own research sessions and drawn from interviews with marriage counselors, podcast hosts, life coaches, journalists, filmmakers, and other listening experts. Now more than ever, we need to feel heard, connected, and understood in a world that keeps turning up the volume. Warm, funny, and immensely practical, this book shows you how.
“One of the things I talk about in the book is cultivating a listening mindset, and that’s bringing in humility, curiosity, and empathy into conversation. Those traits work just as well from behind a screen as they do in person.”
In the midst of an unexpected global crisis, sharpening political lines, and social unrest, there has been a need to feel connected now more than ever, especially as the world begins to reopen—and thoughtful listening provides a way forward. Most of us listen well enough, but without deliberate attention, the right skills, and plenty of practice we may miss out on crucial cues that reveal the truth behind what people say and how they feel, leaving us feeling increasingly detached and isolated from others.
“When you’re able to bring in that humility and curiosity, you’re creating space for someone to share their experience.”
Ximena Vengoechea offers an essential guide to becoming a better listener for anyone looking to strengthen relationships with colleagues, direct reports, friends, and family.
To connect with Ximena visit her website https://www.ximenavengoechea.com and on LinkedIn here Twitter @xsvengoechea Instagram @xsvengoechea and you can subscribe to her newsletter here
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