Nancy Davis Kho

Nancy Davis Kho is a writer whose work has appeared in the Washington Post, San Francisco Chronicle, Adirondack Life, The Rumpus, The Toast, and numerous anthologies including Listen To Your Mother: What She Said Then, What We’re Saying Now (Putnam.) She’s been recognized as a Voice of the Year in the Humor Category by BlogHer and was the inaugural champion of Oakland’s Literary Death Match. Her book THE THANK-YOU PROJECT: Cultivating Happiness One Letter of Gratitude at a Time was published by Running Press in December 2019.

Nancy writes about “the years between being hip and breaking one” at MidlifeMixtape.com, and her Midlife Mixtape Podcast (available on all major podcast platforms) celebrates Gen Xers at midlife with humor, heart, and a really good beat. In August 2019, the Wall Street Journal named the Midlife Mixtape Podcast to its list of “8 Podcasts for Anyone Nervously Facing Retirement.” Nancy is from upstate New York and now lives with her husband and two daughters in Oakland, California.

The Thank-You Project tells the story of the year that writer/podcaster Nancy Davis Kho wrote thank-you letters to 50 people, places, and pastimes that had shaped her, inspired her, and helped her become the person she was. The list of recipients included family and friends, of course, but soon expanded to teachers, bosses, mentors, authors, cities, hobbies and even a handful of ex-boyfriends and former friends. (Don’t worry, turns out you don’t have to mail every letter you write to yield the happiness benefits of gratitude!) It was a wholly unexpected way to find more peace during what turned out to be a trying and turbulent time, and continues to yield benefits years down the road.

I’m so excited for you guys to connect with Nancy, check out her work, and follow along as she continues to give practical and reassuring guidance to her readers who want to start their own Thank-You Project.

I'd love it if you'd introduce yourself, what you do, and what you're working on.

My name is Nancy Davis Kho and I’m a freelance writer in Oakland, CA. My work has appeared in the Washington Post, San Francisco Chronicle, US Magazine, The Rumpus, and The Toast. I’ve been recognized as a Voice of the Year in the Humor Category by BlogHer and was the inaugural champion of Oakland's Literary Death Match. I cover “the years between being hip and breaking one” at MidlifeMixtape.comand on the Midlife Mixtape Podcast, available on all major podcast platforms. My book THE THANK-YOU PROJECT: Cultivating Happiness One Letter of Gratitude at a Timewas published by Running Press in December 2019.

How did you get started?

My first career was in international business, which I loved; I love learning languages and culture and history and I thoroughly enjoyed the travel and the people with whom I worked. But when people asked what my dream job was, I always said, “Writer.” Finally, at some point, I decided to sign up for a writing class. Then another, then another one after that, and by that time, I was hooked. I’m really glad I had the business career and I have learned so much from it, but thirteen years ago, it was apparent that I was being pulled in a new, challenging, more creative direction.

What inspired the work that you're doing?

Failure! I wrote a “midlife music crisis memoir” (you can probably tell from my blog and podcast name that I’m a bit of a music head) but it didn’t sell to a publisher. And all the editors who read it had the same reaction: “You didn’t really have a crisis.” I was so sad not to publish a book I’d worked so hard on, of course. But to have it fail because I was too happy? That’s not a problem.

So I decided to start writing a thank-you letter each week to someone who had helped, shaped, or inspired me to that point in my life, because I knew that my good fortune came in large part thanks because I’d had support along the way. I ended up writing to family members and friends, but also to some unexpected people like my daughters’ pediatric nurse and my favorite bagel shop and some ex-boyfriends (don’t worry, you don’t have to mail all the letters for them to make you feel happier!) I even wrote to cities I’d lived in, and 19thcentury authors whose work I love. Writing the letters had such an unexpectedly lasting, positive impact on my life.

I decided to write The Thank-You Project as a blueprint and motivation to make it easier for other people to start their own thank-you projects.

What is your biggest passion? Do you feel like you're living your passion and purpose?

My family is my passion - I’m married, with two daughters, and the older I get, the less exercised I get about much else as long as they’re ok. But beyond that: my passion is writing and sharing stories that make other people feel understood. It’s one of the crazy things about writing first-person essays and sharing stories like I do in the book, blog, and podcast; you think you’re writing about your own life, but by sharing specific details and emotions, you can make it easier for other people to feel reflected and heard. I would love for every single piece I write to cause at least one person to say, “I feel less alone now.”

What is your joy blueprint? What lights you up, brings you joy, and makes you feel the most alive?

I really do love the act of writing, the elusive sentence well-crafted. Nothing fills me with more self-satisfaction than my word-count-goal met for the day. Probably not a surprise that reading is also one of my favorite pastimes. And to counteract all that sitting, I really love hiking, especially in the Oakland Hills near me. It’s my favorite meditative practice.

How do you live intentionally? Are there tools/resources/practices that you rely on to help you stay mindful and grounded?

The gratitude practice I gained with the thank-you project has been an invaluable addition to my life. I’m quicker to see the good, even in bad situations, and to exercise forgiveness, too. One of my favorite parts of writing The Thank-You Project was delving into the science of gratitude so I can explain why a deliberate expression of gratitude “works”, from a neuroscience perspective. When I begin to feel anxious or stressed, I now know that writing someone a thank-you letter will be an immediately effective reset button.

What would your younger self think about what you're doing now?

She would be STOKED because I can afford a much better hairdresser now than I could at her age. Also, she’d be happy to hear that I still go to concerts all the time. You’re never too old for live music and don’t let anyone tell you differently.

Do you have a go-to mantra or affirmation?

My quick trick if I need to re-center or calm myself is to think of three things I’m grateful for at that moment. A dear friend, a full belly, warm shoes…anything. It really works because SCIENCE.

What is your biggest dream?

I would love to share the story of the Thank-You Project to live audiences in a way that makes them want to go write their first Thank-You letter! My dream is for thank-you letters to be traveling every which way in 2020, making both writers and recipients feel better.

To learn more about Nancy and her work visit her website www.DavisKho.com where you can get to the Midlife Mixtape blog and the Midlife Mixtape Podcast (available on all podcast platforms.) and on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram

Joy Corner is an interview-style blog series brought to you by Seek The Joy Podcast. Our mission continues to be a desire to share your stories, truths, joys and inspiration in your words. We invite you to join our corner, and share your joys, passions, and moments of inspiration as we continue to seek the joy, together. Join this series here

Nancy Davis Kho - Author, The Thank-You Project